Wednesday, January 05, 2005
1.05.05 - Halftime Hell
It's time to call off halftime shows. There is no use trying to save them. We hit the peak at the '02 Super Bowl when U2 performed their tribute to the 9/11 victims. That was the top of the mountain and there's no going back. It's a downhill slope from the apex featuring Bono and the boys.
Let's review how we got to the top: It all started with Up With People in the late 70s and early 80s. Then we morphed into Michael Jackson at a Super Bowl featuring the Cowboys and Bills. A Jimmy Johnson team. Hair still hasn't moved since that day. Then we got to U2 and productions by MTV and Clear Channel Entertainment - 2 of the world's great producers of live events.
After Bono and The Edge stole the show, it's been downhill. Who remembers the '03 performers? I know Michelle Branch performed in the pregame show with Santana. I think Beyonce also hit the stage.
Then, at the Super Bowl in '04, it was boob-gate. Janet, Ms. Jackson if you're saggy. The NFL issued a statement and apologized. People wrote their congressmen and Howard Stern went to satellite radio. Thanks Justin. Didn't really even see that 40-year old breast anyway. See me at Victoria's Secret in the West Oaks Mall.
That gets us to '05, we get to last night's Orange Bowl. Kelly Clarkson's microphone doesn't work. A country singer on South Beach? And, what was that with Ashlee Simpson? Her performance was the only thing worse than the Oklahoma pass defense.
And because of Jessica's sister's performance, it's time to cancel halftime. Go back to the standard 20 minutes for the teams to reset, let the bands march, then let's play ball. Get the record companies out of it, enough promoting the bands on that stage. Let me see a marching band, refill my beer, take a squirt, and then kick off the third quarter. Enough pop stars and bad performers.
That's it ... no more halftime shows ... unless Up With People isn't booked into the Effingham, Illinois Gymnasium that evening.
Let's review how we got to the top: It all started with Up With People in the late 70s and early 80s. Then we morphed into Michael Jackson at a Super Bowl featuring the Cowboys and Bills. A Jimmy Johnson team. Hair still hasn't moved since that day. Then we got to U2 and productions by MTV and Clear Channel Entertainment - 2 of the world's great producers of live events.
After Bono and The Edge stole the show, it's been downhill. Who remembers the '03 performers? I know Michelle Branch performed in the pregame show with Santana. I think Beyonce also hit the stage.
Then, at the Super Bowl in '04, it was boob-gate. Janet, Ms. Jackson if you're saggy. The NFL issued a statement and apologized. People wrote their congressmen and Howard Stern went to satellite radio. Thanks Justin. Didn't really even see that 40-year old breast anyway. See me at Victoria's Secret in the West Oaks Mall.
That gets us to '05, we get to last night's Orange Bowl. Kelly Clarkson's microphone doesn't work. A country singer on South Beach? And, what was that with Ashlee Simpson? Her performance was the only thing worse than the Oklahoma pass defense.
And because of Jessica's sister's performance, it's time to cancel halftime. Go back to the standard 20 minutes for the teams to reset, let the bands march, then let's play ball. Get the record companies out of it, enough promoting the bands on that stage. Let me see a marching band, refill my beer, take a squirt, and then kick off the third quarter. Enough pop stars and bad performers.
That's it ... no more halftime shows ... unless Up With People isn't booked into the Effingham, Illinois Gymnasium that evening.
